Day 1: (Monday May 18)
While this is technically my first day on all accounts, I have been eating according to the guidelines for since last Friday. I continued drinking in moderation as to not punch anyone those first few days as I really was eating an ‘All American diet’ up until Friday. Which is out of character for me because I usually do pretty well. Not terribly just…grains and sugars and dairy and maybe some ice cream. I have been really tired and my usual worst of all symptoms, brain foggy. Today was the worst as I was exhausted and couldn't think yet had a lot of pressing things to do. Instead, I laid in bed and watched ‘Drunk History’ on my laptop with my paperwork surrounding me so I could feel stressed about it. I felt a bit depressed but it could be partly because the sun we have had has turned to grey. Overall today was a struggle.
I HAVE to remember that there is SOMETHING that I can’t eat…that I DO eat that is hijacking my life. My guess on the culprit is sugar. But I am guessing there could be more than just that. Here is a recap for future me of how I feel right now so I never get here again. FIRSTLY; YOUR SKIN IS AWFUL!! Seriously, it has not freaked out like this since before you got on a better track well over a year ago. Pretty sure too many sugary PMS cravings did it so there ya go…calm down on that shit. Next; your mind is mush. Its one thing to not be able to think for yourself but when you can’t think for your kids and family it is a whole other can of worms. It makes you feel bad, then depressed, then you become less attentive and so on…SO DONT GO BACK. And finally; you cant remember ANYTHING!! It’s sad really because on top of making ‘being a responsible adult’ really hard, it makes you feel like a bad mom because you are just a jerk who doesn't remember shit and that probably doesn't feel great to the kids….’hey- whats your name again?’ ;) So Me, don't get back here because we think your body cant take anymore mistreatment and you need your brain for school and happiness and all that jazz. Here is hoping tomorrow is more productive at the least.
Okay so today was not my favorite. It seems as if according to the timeline outlined in the book I feel like I would on about day 4-5 which aside from my alcohol it could be. It went like this….I woke up pretty damn tired and pretty foggy in the head…getting the kids out the door was a struggle. I fell back asleep after they left for an hour or so and when I woke up was surprised that I finally felt good! I even said ‘I have a pep in my step’! But according to the book I should want to ‘kill all the things’ and I wasn't agitated at all!! Not so fast! I happily went to pick up my little one as she was having a half day. I was excited for our venture to the creek and excitedly hugged her and we walked home, and as soon as we arrived….I realized I wasn’t as great as I thought. Did she have to talk so much? Why can she NEVER listen?! No! There isn't anything else to eat! And btw…JUST…WAIT!
Eventually we made it to the river and enjoyed our afternoon. The sun must have partially helped as well as the company of my friends. I didn't really eat because I hadn't planned the day which would prove to be a BIG mistake. I made it through pickups and Dr appointment with the little ones and managed to stop in the store for some fruit and a LARA bar. By the time we got home I realized the ham I intended on using for dinner was just terrible and likely laced with every type of fake sugar on the planet so I was left starving with no dinner available as we needed to shop. *Cue Meltdown* I was seriously so MAD and UPSET that I went upstairs to cry. This is the hardest part of this whole gig for me…when I just have nothing to eat. So the lesson I learned, and was able to talk about after eating eggs for the 7 millionth time, was that I MUST be better prepared. And I’m pretty certain my husband was scared and never wanting to deal with that again so we made a meal and snack plan for the week and he kindly went shopping at 8 o’clock at night. Bless him…actually, in hindsight he was probably just itching to escape me so…screw him. It was that kind of day.
I woke up this morning feeling TERRIBLY groggy and just off as can be. I even felt a bit sickish in my stomach. I think it is probably because I failed eating regularly or well yesterday. While I stuck to the rules I didn't get much nutrition like veggies which I never go a day without. I was bummed out because I was pretty certain I had ruined today by not having a good yesterday. After battling all morning with my 6 year old, I decided to once again give in to my fatigue and nap after taking her to school. I apparently needed it as I slept until 12…I had the help of my new audio book about keeping a ‘tidy’ house which I’m sure would put anyone to sleep. I woke up feeling awful still but decided to really push through and maybe try some of these new techniques for getting organized I vaguely remember hearing as I drifted off…so I showered and grabbed a pile of dreaded files that were due to be sorted and filed. It was quite entertaining really and the content actually gave me a bit of a laugh as well as triggered some fun memories…pay stubs from my first job(you think it was time to go through all that??)…old newspaper clippings…taxes that will never be needed…old court papers? Enough on that. While I was doing this I suddenly started to get a bit of brain power and from there the day was golden! I went from completely organizing all my files to tackling the many daunting piles of laundry surrounding me. I even happily made dinner to be ready when everyone got home, prepared tomorrow’s, roasted a chicken and…wait for it…kept the kitchen clean while doing it!! Then my girl and I cleaned out my car and watched a movie! And I even got to use and show off my new Japanese clothing folding technique that I was scoffing at earlier but is now an obsession. I did laundry till bedtime and here I am. I proclaimed tonight that I haven't had this much clarity since my last Whole 30 at about week 2-3. That was 2 months ago. And that is why I am doing this. That seems to be a real problem if I’m in such a fog I cant even keep anything straight. But lets not get ahead of ourselves, I’m only 3 days in and this is a roller coaster. We will see where I am on the ride tomorrow…up top..on the bottom…or maybe even upside down.
BLEK! Tired. No brain. Tired. Can’t think. Can’t sleep? No thank you day 4-8. Keeping with it…
I woke up today with quite a bit of mojo! While I could NOT fall asleep last night, I actually slept through the night for the fist time in a bit and apparently I needed it. I know I am doing well when I wake up in time to wake up the kids rather than them waking me. It was a nice morning but somewhat emotional as it was one of 3 half days I have left with my kindergartener…anyhow that motivated me to get up and make us a nice breakfast of eggs(of course), a mixed fruit bowl and added by request of my little lady, avocado! I am really starting to understand the different components of a quality meal by now and I LOVE that part of this journey. I have eaten well for quite some time but I never understood what of what I needed and when in the day. During the hazy 4-8 I found myself really depressed and my husband very moody and so I did a bit of seeking on Whole 30 forums and found an overwhelming amount of advice regarding added carbs in meals. We added more carb rich veggies/fruits in our meals and have found that we DO feel better. Shiiiit! Food matters(a lot)!! Who would have thought. All these years looking for a pill to solve my problems and all we need in this world is to pay fucking attention. So far my favorite part of the whole 30 is how much more aware I am in the decisions I make. Even if I weren't doing the whole 30…do I really need added sugar in my bacon? Or could I really go without? Quite frankly I think bacon without all the added craziness is far more delicious than the sugar and additive laden junk that is in almost all bacon around you. Another win; I found bacon AT KROGER with no sugar or carrageenan…holla! And since I am out of mine from the farm this was like winning the lottery…especially considering my pickup from the farm isn't until June! Anyways, day 9 was a pretty decent day spent running around then swimming with my baby and soaking up her last bits of babyness. And to go out with a bang I had a 90 minute massage with the God of Massages (my masseuse, it’s possible he was placed here from the heavens to bring happiness through his hands, I’m serious). And it was AH mazing. Another day in the books. Booyah!