Wednesday, May 27, 2015

The Whole damn 30: days 1-9

Day 1: (Monday May 18)

While this is technically my first day on all accounts, I have been eating according to the guidelines for since last Friday.  I continued drinking in moderation as to not punch anyone those first few days as I really was eating an ‘All American diet’ up until Friday.  Which is out of character for me because I usually do pretty well.  Not terribly just…grains and sugars and dairy and maybe some ice cream.  I have been really tired and my usual worst of all symptoms, brain foggy.  Today was the worst as I was exhausted and couldn't think yet had a lot of pressing things to do.  Instead, I laid in bed and watched ‘Drunk History’ on my laptop with my paperwork surrounding me so I could feel stressed about it.  I felt a bit depressed but it could be partly because the sun we have had has turned to grey.  Overall today was a struggle. 

I HAVE to remember that there is SOMETHING that I can’t eat…that I DO eat that is hijacking my life.  My guess on the culprit is sugar.  But I am guessing there could be more than just that.  Here is a recap for future me of how I feel right now so I never get here again.  FIRSTLY; YOUR SKIN IS AWFUL!!  Seriously, it has not freaked out like this since before you got on a better track well over a year ago.  Pretty sure too many sugary PMS cravings did it so there ya go…calm down on that shit.  Next; your mind is mush.  Its one thing to not be able to think for yourself but when you can’t think for your kids and family it is a whole other can of worms.  It makes you feel bad, then depressed, then you become less attentive and so on…SO DONT GO BACK.  And finally; you cant remember ANYTHING!!  It’s sad really because on top of making ‘being a responsible adult’ really hard, it makes you feel like a bad mom because you are just a jerk who doesn't remember shit and that probably doesn't feel great to the kids….’hey- whats your name again?’  ;)  So Me, don't get back here because we think your body cant take anymore mistreatment and you need your brain for school and happiness and all that jazz.  Here is hoping tomorrow is more productive at the least.

Okay so today was not my favorite.  It seems as if according to the timeline outlined in the book I feel like I would on about day 4-5 which aside from my alcohol it could be.  It went like this….I woke up pretty damn tired and pretty foggy in the head…getting the kids out the door was a struggle.  I fell back asleep after they left for an hour or so and when I woke up was surprised that I finally felt good!  I even said ‘I have a pep in my step’!  But according to the book I should want to ‘kill all the things’ and I wasn't agitated at all!!  Not so fast!  I happily went to pick up my little one as she was having a half day.  I was excited for our venture to the creek and excitedly hugged her and we walked home, and as soon as we arrived….I realized I wasn’t as great as I thought.  Did she have to talk so much?  Why can she NEVER listen?! No! There isn't anything else to eat!  And btw…JUST…WAIT!  

Eventually we made it to the river and enjoyed our afternoon.  The sun must have partially helped as well as the company of my friends.  I didn't really eat because I hadn't planned the day which would prove to be a BIG mistake.  I made it through pickups and Dr appointment with the little ones and managed to stop in the store for some fruit and a LARA bar.  By the time we got home I realized the ham I intended on using for dinner was just terrible and likely laced with every type of fake sugar on the planet so I was left starving with no dinner available as we needed to shop. *Cue Meltdown*  I was seriously so MAD and UPSET that I went upstairs to cry.  This is the hardest part of this whole gig for me…when I just have nothing to eat.  So the lesson I learned, and was able to talk about after eating eggs for the 7 millionth time, was that I MUST be better prepared.  And I’m pretty certain my husband was scared and never wanting to deal with that again so we made a meal and snack plan for the week and he kindly went shopping at 8 o’clock at night.  Bless him…actually, in hindsight he was probably just itching to escape me so…screw him.  It was that kind of day.


I woke up this morning feeling TERRIBLY groggy and just off as can be.  I even felt a bit sickish in my stomach.  I think it is probably because I failed eating regularly or well yesterday.  While I stuck to the rules I didn't get much nutrition like veggies which I never go a day without.  I was bummed out because I was pretty certain I had ruined today by not having a good yesterday.  After battling all morning with my 6 year old, I decided to once again give in to my fatigue and nap after taking her to school.  I apparently needed it as I slept until 12…I had the help of my new audio book about keeping a ‘tidy’ house which I’m sure would put anyone to sleep.  I woke up feeling awful still but decided to really push through and maybe try some of these new techniques for getting organized I vaguely remember hearing as I drifted off…so I showered and grabbed a pile of dreaded files that were due to be sorted and filed.  It was quite entertaining really and the content actually gave me a bit of a laugh as well as triggered some fun memories…pay stubs from my first job(you think it was time to go through all that??)…old newspaper clippings…taxes that will never be needed…old court papers?   Enough on that.  While I was doing this I suddenly started to get a bit of brain power and from there the day was golden!  I went from completely organizing all my files to tackling the many daunting piles of laundry surrounding me.  I even happily made dinner to be ready when everyone got home, prepared tomorrow’s, roasted a chicken and…wait for it…kept the kitchen clean while doing it!!  Then my girl and I cleaned out my car and watched a movie!  And I even got to use and show off my new Japanese clothing folding technique that I was scoffing at earlier but is now an obsession.  I did laundry till bedtime and here I am.  I proclaimed tonight that I haven't had this much clarity since my last Whole 30 at about week 2-3.  That was 2 months ago.  And that is why I am doing this.  That seems to be a real problem if I’m in such a fog I cant even keep anything straight.  But lets not get ahead of ourselves, I’m only 3 days in and this is a roller coaster.  We will see where I am on the ride tomorrow…up top..on the bottom…or maybe even upside down.  

Day 4-8

BLEK!  Tired.  No brain.  Tired.  Can’t think.  Can’t sleep?  No thank you day 4-8.  Keeping with it…

Day 9 

I woke up today with quite a bit of mojo!  While I could NOT fall asleep last night, I actually slept through the night for the fist time in a bit and apparently I needed it.  I know I am doing well when I wake up in time to wake up the kids rather than them waking me.  It was a nice morning but somewhat emotional as it was one of 3 half days I have left with my kindergartener…anyhow that motivated me to get up and make us a nice breakfast of eggs(of course), a mixed fruit bowl and added by request of my little lady, avocado!  I am really starting to understand the different components of a quality meal by now and I LOVE that part of this journey.  I have eaten well for quite some time but I never understood what of what I needed and when in the day.  During the hazy 4-8 I found myself really depressed and my husband very moody and so I did a bit of seeking on Whole 30 forums and found an overwhelming amount of advice regarding added carbs in meals.  We added more carb rich veggies/fruits in our meals and have found that we DO feel better.  Shiiiit!  Food matters(a lot)!!  Who would have thought.  All these years looking for a pill to solve my problems and all we need in this world is to pay fucking attention.  So far my favorite part of the whole 30 is how much more aware I am in the decisions I make.  Even if I weren't doing the whole 30…do I really need added sugar in my bacon?  Or could I really go without?  Quite frankly I think bacon without all the added craziness is far more delicious than the sugar and additive laden junk that is in almost all bacon around you.  Another win; I found bacon AT KROGER with no sugar or carrageenan…holla!  And since I am out of mine from the farm this was like winning the lottery…especially considering my pickup from the farm isn't until June!  Anyways, day 9 was a pretty decent day spent running around then swimming with my baby and soaking up her last bits of babyness.  And to go out with a bang I had a 90 minute massage with the God of Massages (my masseuse, it’s possible he was placed here from the heavens to bring happiness through his hands, I’m serious).  And it was AH mazing.  Another day in the books.  Booyah!

It's been a while...

Well, well, little blog of mine,  it has been a while.  I can’t believe I started this in 2012 and reading my big introductory blog you’d think I was going to be posting on this baby all the time.  Well I’ve learned a lot since that time including the fact that I really have no time.  Okay I do but it is better spent on ME because I’m a MOM and I deserve it!  And really, whenever I get it I basically succumb to mindlessness to decompress from the non stop everything else around me.  So pretty much whatI’m saying is that this isn't some great comeback from the my 3 blog posts in a year run I had back 2012(sorry to my 5 followers) no…this will likely be another stint of intermittent posts that nobody will read, but what good are my stories doing anymore simply sitting on a hard drive never to be shared? 

Really I wanted to share some entries I have been writing about my Whole 30 I have been doing.  Now calm down, this is NO health or fitness blog.  I just happen to be doing the Whole 30 for a second time because I believe in it and thought I should share the ride with others.  Nothing fancy just a day by day(almost) of my experience.  I’ll share more about why I am doing this when I am done because I only have so much in me.  If you don’t know, the Whole 30 is a nutrition plan with the goal of changing your mindset about food.  It is not a weight loss plan it simply addresses all the shit we put in our bodies everyday and it has a reintroduction plan that helps people identify what food sensitivities they have.  All I can say is that the last Whole 30 I did made me feel like super woman but I never got to the reintroduction and completely blew it by doing it right before a vacation.  Anyways, the plan came from the book ‘It Starts with Food’ and there is now a detailed 30 day guidebook with recipes called Whole30 which I highly recommend.  

Okay thats all for now.  Enjoy my day to day progress if you care to.  


Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Time Flies

Over the course of one week my life has changed dramatically.  All by the choices of my 2 almost 3 year old daughter Ashley.  I have long known that this sweet beautiful angel has a stubborn personality.  From early on I could tell that once she made a decision that was it…or else.  When she was a baby she would grab my chest and squeeze until she drew blood if I didn’t do just the right thing.  And when a baby can’t talk you can’t always get it right.
Also from the time she was born this child slept on her own.  As an infant I couldn’t even get her to snuggle with me.  Every night at 8pm we would lay her in her bed and say good night, she would wave and we would have a nice quiet evening to ourselves.  Okay, so in reality we had time to get all the things done that there are not enough hours in the day to complete, but at least we had the time.  Our older girls slept with us way too long so we welcomed this need of hers.  Until one fateful day in February 2011.  (That’s not exact but sounds good)  The girls and I decided to watch a movie.  A decision I would regret and secretly not regret at all.  We chose Monsters Inc.  Since it’s a movie about monsters being nice I didn’t think twice about it.  Had I thought this through a little more I might have realized that the moral that ‘most monsters are actually nice’ would be lost on an almost 2 year old.  That night as we slept we heard the screams of terror coming from our little angel’s room.  We both shot out of bed and found ourselves cradling and consoling this little panicked one year old.  We brought her into our room and she slept with us and….she never left.  The next day she told us there was a monster in her room and she never even went back in.  At first she was afraid but during the time she was afraid she realized something, that Mommy and Daddy’s bed is more comfortable than hers.  And that it is more fun to stay up with Mommy and Daddy than simply go to bed when you are supposed to.  So she turned on her stubborn personality and has been sleeping in our bed since.  And instead of going to bed at bedtime, she has insisted one of us lay with her until she is asleep.  Yes.  Awesome.  Eric and I have had a child in our bed most of our relationship. It started with Marissa, then Addie and now Ashley.
But all that changed two nights ago.  You see I was really annoyed at the fact that I was sharing my bed again.  I haven’t slept well since I generally prefer NO feet in my face when I sleep.  But secretly I loved it.  This is my last child.  My last little bundle of joy.  My baby.  And I lost time with her as a baby because I had two other kids to take care of, I hurt my hand and couldn’t care for her, and quite frankly she just didn’t want me.  She was independent out of the womb.  Finally at almost 2 years old I could snuggle her and kiss her and she couldn’t do anything about it.  Because she was asleep…in MY bed!!  But I still complained.  Every night as I layed with her I tried to enjoy the moment but couldn’t help being angry that I had so much to do and laying there was making me lose all energy.
As she is my third child I have raised, things have been different with Ashley.  I have never stressed about milestones or put pressure on myself to make her do things I didn’t believe she was ready for.  She recently started ballet and as some of the other moms talked about having potty trained or being in the process, I really could have cared less that my little munchkin was there with a fat diaper on.  I've just learned that kids show you when they are ready for things.  And I am not knocking the parents that do things earlier as each parent has their own beliefs and methods and I encourage that.  My personal point was proven to me two weeks when after not being able to force Ashley near the potty, she decided she wanted to use it.  She got on and went and has been since.  I was happy but sad at the same time.  And it was just the beginning.
The next thing I knew she didn't want her baba anymore.  I know it seems like 3 is too old to have a baba but really it was just a sippy cup filled with milk.  And next, she just doesn’t want to use her binky!  Unless she is extremely tired she wants nothing to do with it!!  As sad as all of this is when it is your last, I thought we should try getting her in her own bed while she was being stubbornly grown up.  We put a mattress on the floor in Addie’s room and told her she could start sleeping there and if she stayed all night we would give her a prize in the morning.  Now obviously since we have been trying to get her back on her own for over a year we thought it would never work and she would come running to Mommy and Daddy.  And we would be annoyed but secretly happy that she still needs us.  But I am happy, sad, excited, sad, proud, sad and maybe a little more sad to announce that two nights later she has her own room with her sister Addie.  All night she stays in that little mattress on the floor she calls her bed.  And last night she was ready at 6pm to go to bed just because she has one! The saddest part of this for me was when we handed her her lovey bear she has had since she was a baby and she said ‘I don’t want that anymore, that’s when I was a baby’.  (mommy cries)
Today my little girl is wearing big girl underwear for the first time ever.  In the matter of a week she went from my baby to a little girl.  And in this last week I have stopped and noticed her and paid more attention to her than I usually do.  Because time is flying before my eyes.  I’m reminded that these little girls will only be my little girls for a moment in time.  That most of their lives will be spent as independent women who take care of themselves, away from Mommy.  They only need me now and it drives me so crazy how much they need me that most days I lose my mind.  But they need me.  A little less today than yesterday but I’ll take it.

I turned 30 last month and of course eveyone asked me “How do you feel?  Do you feel old?".  The truth is that my birthday did affect me in a big way.  But not because I feel old, but because I realized how fast this life goes by.  I was seriously 20 yesterday partying it up and I thought I had my whole life to accomplish the things I wanted.  And suddenly Im 30?  THREE kids and a husband and starting my own business?  ON THE PTO??  I feel like I just met Eric but we have been together close to 8 years!!  That is the longest either of us have ever been with anyone!  And we have lived in our house 6 ½ years!  That is the longest my husband has lived anywhere EVER!  My life is no longer my life its our lives and its scary and annoying and hard.  And special.
While Im sad about how fast life is going by I know I am still young.  And that today matters, every day matters.  If not to me, I am constantly reninded that it does to my kids.  While I'm frantically planning a school activity or a party for someone or a craft for something I generally feel a deep sense of guilt that I'm occupying myself outside of my kids.  Eric constantly reminds me that while they may not show it they are being influenced by the things I do.  I am showing them my values and that it is important to do things for others and to be part of your child's education.  I'm showing them selflessness and that makes me happy.  All my work everyday pays off.  Whether its spent staring in their eyes and listening to their every word or busily doing something while saying ‘ya…ya’ to every comment they make.  My goal in this life to be the best mom and wife is paying off.  And one day I will look back at this short time I had with these girls and miss it. 
I read an amazing article yesterday in the Huffington post.  It was called ‘Don’t Carpe Diem’(  I was laughing out loud as I read it.  The author was talking about how people always say to enjoy every minute with your kids and the pressure that puts on you.  Because you are not going to enjoy every moment with your child.  But there are moments that make it all worth it.
She went on to say that she believes that people who say they loved every minute of parenting in fact probably look back and enjoy ‘having parented’ rather than actually every minute while it was happening.  I love honesty in parenting and this rang so true for me.  It might be hard and crazy right now but one day, which I know will be soon, I will look back and love ‘having parented’.
I woke up to a message from a good friend this morning that said ‘Have I ever told you you are an awesome mom?’  She saw a picture of my kids with their hair all done up for crazy hair day and knows I am NOT a morning person(that is the greatest understatement in history).  She doesn’t have kids so she may not have realized how that message made my day.  It was like getting an A on a test.  Or my essay being chosen for the newspapaer.  We never know if all we are doing as parents shows and we always beat ourselves up for not doing it perfectly.  If my kids know, my family knows and my friends even know that  I’m doing something right, I am complete.  And while time is passing quickly,  I realize I will look back at the time that went too quick and remember I had good friends and family, happy kids, a grateful husband and that I worked hard to have those things.  I will know I spent my time doing the right things.  Because you can’t control the clock ticking away but you can control how you spend the time.

So today while I’m sad because I officially don’t have a baby anymore...Im proud of the memories filling the minutes of the hours of the days that are my life.  Our lives.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

You can take the girl out of the rave….but you can’t take the raver out of the girl….or can you?

I wrote this 8 months ago.  It’s long.  But a good and true story.

A few months ago, I re-reconnected with a dear friend Jessica.  This friend and I long ago used to spend multiple nights a week dancing for hours at what the ‘regular’ people would call raves. To us they were parties.  Parties we had on Fridays, Saturdays and sometimes a recovery party on a Sunday night.  And if we weren’t dancing at a party we were doing it in the living room of wherever we lived…in one instance to our own reflections in the windows of the Portland Plaza….for hours.  But it took the right sound for us to feel the urge to dance.  The right beat and when it was just right, it was exactly that….just right.  No matter what was going on in our lives in that moment it was all good.  We called it therapy.  And we needed it often.  We were surrounded by DJs and good music and looking back I credit our tiny physiques to those hours of dance.  And we….or I took it for granted.

When we reconnected we talked about this feeling…this bleeding in our souls for the beats that used to carry us through such a crazy time.  We have both been deprived since moving forward in our lives and, not finding that old scene fitting, have lost touch with the very sound that we called therapy.  I concocted an idea that we should make a trip to Seattle for one of the annual parties and get some 5+ years of dance therapy.  I found a party and knew one of the DJs from our old days and knew that of the long lineup we could at least count on him to deliver that sound we needed.  Unfortunately my dear Jessica could not go this particular weekend, but I had set my heart on it and was determined to go.  I got my sister on board and my husband bought us tickets as my mother’s day gift.  The best gift I could have gotten. 

Last weekend after weeks of buildup and utter excitement I headed up to Seattle for my weekend of dance!!!  I got there Friday night and was surprised in the morning by the arrival of one of my favorite people…my brother Simeon (okay…ex brother-in-law turned brother from another mother).  Well…he wasn’t technically there for me as it was his daughter and my niece Jade’s 15th birthday.  However…when he woke me up and said “so are we going to party tonight?” I knew it was destined to a FUN time. 

I knew my old friend Doug would be playing at 9:30 and I HAD to be there for his set.  The more mainstream DJs started at 10:30.  Of the two of them I had to hear LMFAO play their current hit Party Rock Anthem…this was not to be missed.  If I got to dance to Dig-Doug and that single track my night would be perfect.  David Guetta was the main attraction and given all his popular tracks I was excited for him as well….he played until 1:30 so I knew we wouldn’t miss him.  We decided to leave at 8:30 for the party.  I was already stressing out a bit because the beautiful sunny day had turned into a storm so my hair was sure to be wrecked by the time we got in and my shirt was bugging me because my bra straps were showing (unimportant detail at this point but it all gets better…keep reading).  We arrived in downtown Seattle at what I am guessing was 9:30 and it was crazy.  Apparently there was a soccer game shortly ending so parking was nothing short of a joke.  It was so busy down there it was nuts.  As we were driving around to find parking we saw some soccer fans riding on a rickshaw and started joking that we needed that rickshaw!  We decided to park far away and cab it if we needed.  The blue dot on the iphone told us we were .9 miles away from our destination so we decided we would just make the 13 minute walk since most of it was under a long overpass and we could avoid getting completely drenched when….behold…an empty rickshaw drew near.  We hopped on and shortly arrived at our destination….let the PARTY begin…or not.

There was a mass of people in front of the WAMU arena and we quickly realized the insanity was THE LINE.  It was probably close to 10 so we were into Doug’s set but I still thought we would get in real quick and I could catch the tail end of his set and still see LMFAO and Guetta.  HA…real quick was not to be.  We stood in that line for….get ready…..2 hours.  Not just 2 hours but 2 PAINFUL hours.  It was unreal.  I could not believe nor could any of the thousand 20-25 year olds high on ecstasy believe this was happening.  From inside I could hear the pounding bass and beats I had been dreaming of, all go down without me.  Not that our time in line was not an event in itself.  During this time I started to realize that the raver in me had oh so subtly been replaced the grown up responsible me.  I had to intervene in a fight between two ladies in their early twenties…one drunk and sloppy…the other high on something…I couldn’t make a proper assessment as I was blinded by the large quantity of glitter pasted on her face and body.  The fight was immature and totally groundless….probably started out of boredom.  I made it very clear to the instigator that I would not allow her to get us stuck in this line any longer and that she should grow up and forget this BS immediately. As if I was the mother of all these idiots.  I handled this situation so well from my day to day experience with two feuding siblings.  This was a part of me I had meant to leave at home.  Also during our time in line we started to joke about my deep concern of my bra straps showing.  Half the people were half naked and glitter, glow stick covered spectacles.  One bright young girl asked me who I was dressed up as (the party was Beyond Wonderland…Alice in Wonderland theme).  When I told her Alice she told me what a great job I did because I TOTALLY looked like her!!  Good stuff that girl had…that’s for sure. 

I know during our time in the line all three of us contemplated leaving.  Going to a bar and actually enjoying the rest of our night.  But we were in the homestretch and I was determined to get in there and dance.  At that moment I heard what I was sure was Party Rock Anthem and a large amount of screaming.  It could not be…I already missed Dig-Doug and now this?  I denied it and convinced myself it would be played ‘maybe again’ or it just simply wasn’t it.  Suddenly we got close enough to see what was taking so long…it was the slow filtering of ravers and a few grownups(myself and my party)through pat downs.  NOW after 2+ hours I was anticipating a TSA style pat down…so when the woman rubbed my shoulder and hips real quick, I could have punched her.  That’s all…that’s it?  You better be checking me for lice if this is what was making me wait so long and miss my show.  

So we are in.  I ran into the main room and could not tell who was playing but I asked some raver kid “who is this?”  He said it was LMFAO just finishing their set.  Next ‘frantic’ question…”did they play party rock anthem?” Response; “YEAH…it was SIIICK!!” With that he was added to my long list of people who needed to be punched in my evening.  We needed a drink.  We went to the well placed (sarcasm) bar area and waited 15 minutes for a couple beers.  We had to drink them there so we were serenaded by all three DJs playing music all mixed together as we were square in the middle of all of it.  It was painful…I was seething.  Obviously after such a long wait we were due for a bathroom visit.  So we went.  I saw a huge line and immediately freaked thinking ‘could this be my destiny? Another line?’  Imagine my relief to see that this was actually the line for the water fountain for all the E-tards (I always thought this was a dumb term but for this night…oh so fitting) high as @#it…so high I feared their tongues would not survive the night.  I fought my way through the vapor rubbed, sweaty, tongue chewing crowd to the bathroom and was lucky to get right in.  While there I made a decision.  I needed to dance, but my fury simply would not allow me so I needed a drink…NO…two drinks…immediately.  I looked around the bathroom and became sad.  All these young ladies…doing drugs….here for that and not the music.  Who would make it home?  Who would leave in the ambulance waiting in front for that exact reason?  Where did these people’s parents think they were?   DRINK…you must drink or all these thoughts would continue to ruin this experience.  We agreed the bar was the place to go.

When we arrived at the bar area…get this…there was another line.  As we waited I heard one of the DJs playing ‘black and yellow’.  I ran away from my bro and sis and got myself right into the crowd and started dancing…next to me there was a group of kids ravered out looking at me.  I knew this look.  I had granted this look to others in my party days.  This look of ‘what the hell are you doing here?  You don’t know ANYTHING about what it means to be here’.  After ‘black and yellow’ I ran off back to the bar.  I love this song so much and those few moments of dancing made me wonder if maybe just maybe my night was starting to turn for the better?  I soon got my answer.  I got in the bar area and found my crew.  Sim went to grab a beer and I hopped in the, what seemed to be, short line for the hard drinks…I needed a hard drink now.  After about 15 minutes in this line I looked at the front and realized the SAME guy had been there the entire time I was waiting.  The sign said two drinks per person but what people were doing is grabbing 10 of their friends id’s and pointing at random people saying ‘these are for them’ and would get 20 drinks at once.  So what looked like 5 or 6 people was in actuality 50 or 60….awesome.  And as a note these were not bartenders.  These were women who worked for the arena and had 25 cats waiting at home for them.  They moved like snails and could have cared less about the mass in front of them.  Enter Tony…good looking friendly guy.  Dressed normally and equally frustrated about this BS party.  “Can you believe these lines?”  No Tony…I could not.  We bitched a little about how crazy lame the party had turned out for us and realized there were at least a few people like me roaming this insanity.  He asked if I wanted to team up to get drinks.  I hid my wedding ring behind the cell phone I was holding (nothing was getting in the way of my need for a drink) and agreed.  He was a little more aggressive and I was just pissed and screaming at this point.  He grabbed my id and after letting the nice girl next to us, who was on the verge of tears, get her drinks he ordered us up and kindly paid for my drinks.  He handed them back to me and said “have fun”.  Thank you Tony you are a gentleman and are not on my ‘to be punched’ list.  When I left the line I walked over to my crew and Sim said…”you were in that line for 45 minutes”.  OF COURSE I WAS.  Well…45 minutes of waiting equaled about 45 seconds of slamming my two single shot drinks.  It was time to dance and my tiny buzz might allow me to enjoy it.

We entered the main room and I linked hands with Sim and Cathy.  If there is one thing I am good at is getting right up in the middle of the action as close to the DJ as possible…being a DJ groupie taught me this skill long ago(true story).  So we got up as close as I wanted as the naked e-tard sweat was staring to overcome me.  Some guy looked at me and said he needed a hug and told him he better find someone who cared about that situation as I did not.  Then I started to dance.  It felt good and I knew most of the tracks Guetta was playing.  Right when we got in he started playing one of his more popular tracks when out came two GIANT transformer looking led covered dudes.  This was sick for sure(yeah I said it-sick!).  They were shooting lasers into the crowd and everyone was going wild and just as the beat dropped smoke started to come out of their lasers(see video below).  So far this was the best part of the night.  After the track Guetta kept dropping right back into the same fist pumping bassline fit for the Situation or Snooki.  I know and love a lot of David Guetta’s music but this was not pleasing me and made me SICK for missing Doug’s set.  I think had I been in a better mood and my night had gone differently I would have really enjoyed the set.  After probably 20 minutes of this same bassline we all looked at each other and decided to leave.  Goodnight Wonderland (my ass), goodnight e-tards (hope you make it through the night), good night stupid VIP section (more people for my ‘to punch in the face’ list), goodnight stupid bartenders, goodnight glow sticks, goodnight glitter, goodnight stupid party.  Goodnight.

 BUT WAIT.  The night didn’t end there.  We decided for redemption we would head into a bar for a few.  I ordered a drink and finished it in no time at all when beside me appeared a young lady.  Glitter and glow paint covered with a clockwork orange eyelash theme (creative) she asked the bartender for the hardest thing she could get (“that’s what she said”…literally).  She was frustrated and complaining about the party…I asked her about it and once she realized I had been there she started to vent.  She told me she did ecstasy and it did not work (it worked) and the whole night was a bust.  I asked her how old she was. She was 22 and I said “you should be going to school instead of taking ecstasy and going to raves” (because I have so much room to talk, minus the ecstasy that was me).  Her eyes grew and she excitedly told me she had just applied for law school.  So what the hell are you doing with that ecstasy then?  I told her she didn’t want to waste her early years partying and wake up 30 with no education and only parties to speak of.  She was speechless…ha…no…not even close.  I was an ORACLE she said.  She couldn’t f-in believe that she has been going over in her mind whether to go to school or take time or what and here I am telling her just what she needed to hear.  Remember…the ecstasy did not work.  I in fact AM an oracle and one of the most awesome, amazing, wise people in the world.  It became a huge discussion and we took pictures and I convinced her just to go back to the party with her friends (it was her girlfriend’s birthday) and just enjoy the ride for one night.  Just make better decisions tomorrow.  She loved me and it was real (HA HA no it wasn’t she was REALLY high).  She gave me her number and since I knew I had no reason to ever call this girl I wrote down my name and told her to find me on facebook.  I still have not heard from Maura and was sure as I wrote it I never would.  We had a couple more drinks and laughed at my ORACLE status and departed.  It was raining but who the hell cared at this point. And BEHOLD…another rickshaw…we hopped on and made our way to the car.  After a 4am trip to Denney’s I headed back to my hotel and immediately showered the ecstasy sweat off me and hopped into a nice cozy hotel bed.  I missed my husband.

So to the question ‘can you take the raver out of the girl?’ to that I guess I would have to say yes.  Can I ever cure my addiction to the deep beautiful basslines that make the blood flow though my veins…no.  I should have known a party of this scale was not for lover of this music but for people who wanted to experience the RAVE scene.  I could have saved over $200 on tickets and caught Doug at a club sometime with adults and some alcohol which is what I plan on doing as redemption for this awful evening.  But I knew better.  That line would have NEVER been okay at a Clapton or Usher concert.  Ticketmaster would have had a hailstorm of crazy complaints and fury.  But are a bunch of kids high on who knows what really going to make an issue of it?  Probably not.  Did the promoters make a KILLING on this party?  Absolutely.  I don’t know how many people were there but thousands for sure.  Will I ever go to a RAVE of this scale again?  No.  I’ll leave these in my past.  Will I go listen to DJs at bars or clubs?  Yes.  Because that is what has become of me.  I don’t stay up until 4 in the morning anymore, I don’t do drugs, I work my ass off as a mom of three, I’m lucky if I can catch a tv show at night.  But I will never stop loving my music and I will NEVER stop dancing.  So I guess the moral of the story is you CAN take the raver out of the girl but I don’t need a title to love what I love.  And was the $200+ dollar evening worth it?  Yes.  Riding in a rickshaw with two of my favorite people.  Priceless.  MAYBE influencing a young girl to make better choices.  Worth it.  Enough content to fill 5 pages.  Definitely worth it.  I guess you don’t have to be a raver to have fun.

With love,
Former raver Kamanda
Eternal bassline addict Mandy

Also...check out the transformer dudes...Kryoman...
Kryoman w/ Guetta video

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Mike thinks I'm funny...

Hello and welcome to my BLOG!  Is that how I am supposed to start it?  Okay so let’s start off by talking about what this blog will be about.  I know you are dying to know.  If you are on the edge of your seats be ready for some disappointment as I will not be blogging about my wonderful cooking skills or my awesome ability to organize anyone but myself.  No, I have decided after much consideration that my blog will be about…drum roll please…me!  Even better than what you hoped right?!  Actually for a long time I have considered blogging but just didn’t know what to categorize it as or what I would organize my thoughts into.  But the truth is, I don’t think in an organized fashion so why should my blog be?  I (over)think about everything and pretty much have an opinion about everything so why not just talk about whatever comes into my silly little mind.  And I have the best subject matter in the world…three adorable kids.  And they are funny (which they get from me).  So in this blog you will read about whatever comes to mind because the truth is, I love writing and why not share that with the world(or my at least 3 friends that will probably read this)?
You may be curious about the name of my blog.  Mike thinks I’m funny?  Let’s go back in time a little.  When my 5 year old Addie was about one year old I decided I needed to get a job.  Mainly due to the craziness of our lives at that time, I needed a distraction from the chaos we were dealing with.  My friend Alisha had the perfect fit for me doing data entry 3 nights a week.  I started working and met a guy who at the time was 20.  He was quite frankly one of the best people I have ever met.  He was just what I needed at that time.  Highly spiritual and extremely deep we became friends immediately.  Now let me tell you about Mike.  He is one of those people who everybody likes.  And if you don’t like him you are probably fake or simply a person who prefers to live on the surface of life.  He is the kind of person who probably literally has 1,000 friends (fact check: 1,931- I checked his facebook).  And he is likely really good friends with every single one of them.  When you are with Mike you feel like the only person in the world.  He really makes you the most important thing and builds you up where many people, even without trying, tear you down. 
Now let’s not get things confused here.  Mike is an amazing guy and a good friend but it’s not like ‘that’.  If you are here you likely know about my amazing husband and our ‘disgusting’ happiness and love for each other.  I simply adore Mike’s honesty and openness about all things in life.  So much so that because of our friendship we didn’t actually get much work done (sorry Alisha).  I remember one day coming into work and he wasn’t talking to me and I really thought he was mad at me, only to find out he had been ‘talked’ to about our excessive conversing.  At the time I met Mike our family life was in ruins through no fault of Eric’s or mine.  We were dealing with my oldest daughter’s biological mom and her full time job was making our life hell and Eric suffer.  It was a constant issue.  We could never relax because the next thing was around the corner waiting for us, right there ready to tear any bit of joy we had to bits.  I know it sounds dramatic but it is no embellishment.  Those of you who really know me know this to be true.
I needed work to distract me because all of the problems were making my life completely unenjoyable, which is a really sad thing when you have found the love of your life and a have a precious baby.  Going to work every day saved me and my conversations with Mike made it even better.  He has a fresh perspective on people and human behaviors that some search their whole lives for.  He helped me enjoy what I had and allowed me to vent in an honest way.
Okay, so enough sap.  The greatest thing about Mike is that he thinks I’m funny.  Not just funny but FUNNY.  Obviously he has an incredible sense of humor.  I used to give him the latest Addie story or drama situation and even if it wasn’t a funny topic he found humor in it.  He long ago told me to start a blog but I resisted.  You see I know that blogging is such a ‘fad’.  It’s like ‘what? you don’t have a blog??’.  And quite frankly I read some and wonder who made that person feel so important that I would want to waste the 6 minutes I just did on that?  And I am not one who thinks I’m that important.  The truth is I really don’t at all.  I don’t know who will read my blog or why but I guess that shouldn’t matter right?  If I like to do it then so be it!  Mike and Eric have both said that I need to get over my insecurities and just do it.  Mike literally said ‘the world needs to know Mandy!!’  You see it’s not that I don’t think I’m awesome and funny.  I mean I laugh at my own jokes daily.  I’m just not sure others find me to be as clever as I do myself. 
But why?  I mean I’m sick of pretending I’m not a bitchen rockstar from Mars.  Tiger blood.  Adonis DNA.  Wait.  I diverted. 
I have to give credit to my lovely husband for this blog as well.  He too has been telling me to do it forever.  He even started one for me about a year ago but I never touched it.  Why is it that when the loves of our lives tell us to do something or tell us we are great we don’t believe it until an outsider confirms it?  And why even do I need anyone’s approval in the first place?  That’s a big question for everyone I believe.  The path I took to get here today was a rocky one but I don’t have to hide that anymore.  I was a party girl and I am who I am because of it and let’s be honest, I presume some good stories will come out of that part of my life.
So in closing, in this, my very first blog entry...I admit that I have succumb to this fad of blogging and also that I don’t care if you don’t like it(I do so don’t tell me).  Come, read, laugh or don’t(but if you don’t-never come back).  And I hope you all have the incredible sense of humor that my perfect husband Eric and good friend Mike have. J